CHAPTER 8: The Last Leg

They were walking, hand in hand, a cool pleasant breeze blowing nicely. Both of them did not utter a word. While Amit was lost in the romantic aura of the evening, Payal's mind was busy contemplating her future action.

"About this Vidya...." she started.

"Do we really need to talk about this right now?" 

"I think we should. Amit, there is something that I think you should know."

"Are you confessing something to me?"

"Yes, I am. But it's not about me. It's about you. There is a thing that you don't know about yourself, and I think you should be aware of the facts and reality."

Now what the hell was that all about? Amit wondered. Who knew him better than himself?

Payal continued.

"Your mind is right now suspended between imagination and reality. People around you, the ones that you think are around you, some of them don't exist."

"Please don't talk in circles. Come to the point."

"Amit, your two closest friends, Ravi and Vidya, they don't exist!" she blurted.

"What do you mean they don't exist? Just because we are in a relationship, I won't have you speak like that about my friends to me."

"Amit try to understand what I am saying. Ravi and Vidya exist, but only in your mind. In reality they don't. You have a problem and we need to solve it."

"Payal, what is this all about? You are telling me that the last three years was a figment of my imagination? That all the times I had with my best friends never really happened? Are trying to say that I'm bloody crazy?"

"I am not calling you crazy Amit. It's a psychological problem, and there is treatment available. I just want to help you."

"Telling me that I am imagining people sure helps, sweetheart. But in case you wanted to break-up with me, there are much better and healthier ways than calling me a psychopath. Vidya was right, I had my priorities mixed up."

"Amit, don't do this to me. I do love you, I really do, inspite of everything. I just want to make you see the reality."

"Make me see it then, because right now I feel blinded."

"I'll try. Why do you think Vidya and Ravi are never seen with anybody else other than you?"

"Because we are the best of friends. And both of them are introvert."

"That is fine, but why would they disappear every time that you are in somebody else's company? Have you ever heard anybody else talk about them? Have you talked about them with anybody other than me, ever?"

"No I haven't. Because if I do, everybody says I'm crazy. They may not be the best looking in the world, but they still are my friends, and I would do anything for them. Others don't like them, I do. Nobody talks or befriends me, they do. And you say they don't exist?"

"Exactly what I mean. Can't you see? No other person can see or hear them other than you. That's because they are present only in your mind. You are not crazy Amit. The condition is called Schizophrenia. And it can happen to anybody. I am here to help you."

Amit pushed her hand away.

"You are a real bitch, you know that? You get me emotionally involved with you, and now you are trying to convince me that my friends don't exist, that I am bloody schizophrenic. Tell you what. I am really messed up right now. I need to go and be alone for some time. And if you can, I would be grateful if you don't go around telling every Tom, Dick and Harry that Amit is crazy."

He walked away. Payal stood frozen. A couple of tears rolled down her cheek. Was this the beginning of the end?

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"Just leave it dude. You've still got us." Ravi said, putting his hand on Amit's shoulder.

"It just ain't fair. Why do I need to choose between my friends and my love? Why me?"

Amit looked out at the horizon. He was sitting with Ravi and Vidya on the white sand of the Ganga river which flowed right next to the campus.

"You see this sand, Amit?" Vidya said. "The harder you try to grab it, the faster it slips away. Its better that she dumped you sooner rather than later before things got more serious. And as Ravi said, we are still there with you."

"She didn't dump me Vidya, not yet. That girl loves me, I know that for sure. The problem is choosing between two parts of myself and I don't know what to do!"

"So you still want to go to her at the first chance you have?" Vidya exclaimed. "What the hell man! It has been us who have been with you when you were all alone. We came to your rescue when everybody else was only concerned about bullying you. We gave you the best moments of your life. And you are thinking of leaving us for one girl who just entered your life a couple of weeks ago and gave you your first kiss? Now, is that what you call fair?"

"Damn it Vidya! You just don't get it do you. I want both, my friends, as well as her. My friends won't have her, and she thinks my friends don't exist. What the bloody hell am I supposed to do?"

"I think I know what we can do right now." said Ravi. "Just forget everything for a moment. Be at peace, feel as if nothing happened. Damn, I really feel like going into that water. Anybody game for a splash?"

"I sure am." smiled Vidya.

"Dude, you know I can't swim, and on top of that I really am not in a mood for fun."

"You don't require a mood for fun. Enjoy the fun, and your mood will improve automatically. C'mon now, don't be a spoilsport."

Amit got up and walked with them into the water. The water was cool and surprisingly clear. They kept walking ahead. The water reached upto his thighs.

"Guys I think this much deep is enough." Amit said.

"Hey, you unsure of your height? Come along man, it's just upto my waist here."

Amit walked towards Ravi. The water was rising steadily. It seemed as if it was till Ravi's waist. But here, it was rising now above Amit's belly. He stopped and closed his eyes.

He felt at peace. Maybe people were actually right about the holiness of this river. His mind was relaxed. There were strong undercurrents in the tide, but he didn't care. He wanted to feel like this forever. He felt his feet lose the touch of the river bed. He felt light. Why did he have to make any decisions to reach his destiny after all? The river was taking him there with it. 

"So you think we don't exist?" he heard Vidya say.

"No, I don't." he tried saying. But the words never left his mouth.

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CHAPTER 7: A Slice of the Past

 He was running as fast as his tiny feet could carry him, tears rolling down his cheek. A couple of pebbles were thrown in his direction which hit him on his back, but not hard enough to hurt him. The other children were roaring with laughter behind his back.

"Coward!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he heard someone yell.

"What a girl, look at him run holding his skirt." another voice said.

Amit did not look behind. He just wanted to run away from everybody. They think he is a coward? Let them. They think he is not manly enough? Let them. When he grows up, he'll show all of them what he is made of. He would be a bigger man than they would ever have dreamt of. But till then, he had to get away. Away from all the teasing, bullying that he had been experiencing ever since he made friends with them. He knew he was physically weak, but one day he would show them brain always prevails over brawn. As of now he just wanted his mother.

"Amit, wait!" a voice shouted behind him. Without stopping he turned around to see tiny Vidya in her usual pink frock trying to keep pace with him. He was so full of anger that he didn't bother to wait. He couldn't wait. His head was boiling with anger, eyes sore with crying and all he wanted was his mother's arms. He continued running out of the park and across the street into the compound of his home. Just as he opened the gate, there was a loud screech behind him followed by a shrill scream. He turned around to see a mass of pink drenched in red lying in front of the car which couldn't stop in time. Everything suddenly seemed to move slowly as the crowd gathered and Amit was frozen at the porch.

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Amit woke up his face dripping with sweat. It was still dark outside. He checked the time to see that it was just 3:20 a.m. He took a sip of water into his parched mouth and laid back on his bed thinking about the dream he just had. The very same dream that had been haunting him ever since the incident happened when he was a seven-year old kid running away from his bully friends. Vidya was his only friend back then but she did not survive that accident. As a toddler, it was one Vidya who came to his aid when he needed a friend, and now at another turning point in his life, another Vidya had become close to him. Too much to be a mere coincidence. Maybe this was the way God played his games.

He pulled the rug to cover his shoulders and thought about his last conversation with her.

"I hope you realise your priorities soon. You are totally messed up Amit." These were her last words before leaving him. It was a clear message that he could either have the one person who had been his friend and stood by him throughout or the one girl who had stolen his heart, his mind, his life. Why did he have to make a choice, damn it! Why can't he have both, a friend as well as a partner. He new life was all about choices, but never thought he would be at such a juncture where whichever choice he makes, ultimately he would lose a part of himself.

He then pulled the rug over his head and closed his eyes in a vain attempt to catch some slumber which had long gone.

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S-C-H-I-Z-O-P-H-R-E-N-I-A

Payal typed on Google. She had to know about it. Was it really a mental illness that Amit was suffering from, or rather, was she in love with a lunatic? Could it be cured? If yes, How?

A million questions had crossed her mind ever since she discovered that Amit's closest friends were actually imaginary. Why did he have non-existent friends? How come nobody realised what was wrong?

".....a mental disorder characterized by a disintegration of the process of thinking and of emotional responsiveness. It most commonly manifests as auditory hallucinations, paranoid or bizarre delusions, or disorganized speech and thinking, and it is accompanied by significant social or occupational dysfunction. The onset of symptoms typically occurs in young adulthood......."

The computer screen displayed.

"I really don't know what to do, Neha." she told her roomie who was sitting next to her reading the information on the computer screen.

"Do you really think that you are in a position to do anything?" Neha asked. "Get a grip over yourself Payal. This is a psychiatric case, and you are no doctor. I feel its better you let it go, the earlier the better."

Payal sighed. Maybe Neha was correct. But should she give up without a try? Maybe she would, but first she needed to know more about his condition and she continued browsing the hundreds of web pages that google had thrown back to her.

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